Family

I’m not your best friend, I’m your mum

Will is now 9 1/2 I can’t believe he is soon to be 10. Parenting is a very steep learning curve, no mater how many books you read everyone has their own unique journey. Every stage while enjoyable can also be very difficult. I may not have the sleepless nights with Will anymore but we have a new challenge we need to deal with. I’ve found myself telling him recently, I’m not your best friend I’m your mum.

He’s growing up

Will is growing up into the most amazing young man, gone is the boy who looked at me in awe and believed everything I said. Now we have questions that need serious explanations, we talk about more grown up topics. When he doesn’t like something or doesn’t want to do something he’s not going to sit on a ‘naughty step’ anymore. He wants to know why I want him to do this, why he should behave is a particular way, why he can’t do what he wants to do. He’s learning to find his own path, he’s taking more responsibility at home and at school, and he’s getting to the stage where hormones are kicking in.

I'M YOUR MUM

What’s my job as his mum

First of all my job is to love him, more than he will ever understand at the moment. My job is also to teach him and help him grow into a good, honest, smart, intelligent, reliable man. Not only am I raising my son I am raising someones, future friend, boyfriend, husband, father. It’s my job to teach him the things he needs and to show him how to behave and grow up with the right values.

I’m not his best friend

I’m not his best friend let’s face it, he know’s I’m the boss. We are so similar in character and that often leads to us butting heads, especially if we both want the last word! He is pushing boundaries, he’s learning what he can get away with at the moment. He’s works as hard as I do, with school, homework, sports and extra activities. He gets tried and he will act out, you try telling off a child that’s nearly as tall as you. What he needs whether he likes it or not is boundaries and discipline. He does get told off, things get taken away – I always follow through on a threat. There will be shouting and he tells me he hates me and I’m the worst mother in the world.

And do you know what thats OK. Sometimes me being the worst mother in the world is what he needs. Eventually he’ll calm down and we’ll talk about things. I will explain that I try and do my best and teach him the right things, why he can’t do what he wants and why we have rules. You see it is not the “Will show”, he is part of a family and we all have to work together to help each other out.

Are we getting this right

No not all the time is the simple answer. Sometimes I am way to harsh and snappy, sometimes I let him get away with things he really shouldn’t. What’s important is that we are learning this together, I want him to know;

  • I may not be his best friend and tell him what he always wants to hear but I am always there.
  • He can come and talk to me about anything and everything.
  • I will love him no matter what.
  • I will always be honest with him, if he’s messed up I’m going to tell him that, but I’ll also help him make it right.
  • If I tell him no and prevent him from doing something it’s in his best interest – we’re working on this one!

My parenting journey with Ben is completely different to Will. I hope that I can be the mum they both need as we move into the more challenging years. By the time Darcey gets to her teenage years I’m hoping they will be giving Gin out on prescription!

 

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28 Comments

  • Reply Deborah Nicholas

    Love this, its never easy and i often say to the children that i am not one of their ‘mates’! I do what is right and that might not be what they like but im not there to be liked, im there to keep them safe and loved, if that means they hate me for saying no then so be it! lol
    Deborah Nicholas recently posted…Garden Overhaul!My Profile

    January 25, 2017 at 8:42 pm
  • Reply Zena's Suitcase

    You’ll get through this, and it will all be fine. I think these are the most challenging years of parenting but when you come out the other side, I promise you it will all be worth it
    Zena’s Suitcase recently posted…The 5 Best Family Friendly Beaches In Menorca #TravelTuesdayMy Profile

    January 25, 2017 at 8:08 pm
  • Reply Jaymee Heaton

    My 7 year old has a major temper issue and I have to sometimes take a step back. Yes I love him but being his friend will not always work. You sound like a wonderful mother 🙂 x

    January 22, 2017 at 3:34 pm
  • Reply Grant R

    “Sometimes me being the worst mother in the world is what he needs. ” – This is so well put. He’ll ‘get it’ when he’s older and you’ll get your recognition from him as a good mum then! It sounds like you have a great relationship with him though. Sounds like a great mum to me!

    January 22, 2017 at 7:15 am
  • Reply Jayne @ Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs

    Haha, I hope I get a whole brewery on prescription for when my two hit double figures 🙂
    Lovely post x

    January 21, 2017 at 7:55 pm
  • Reply William Graham

    I love this post it’s just amazing

    January 21, 2017 at 7:05 pm
    • Reply Lisa

      Wow this comment is from my 9 year old. Best compliment I could ever receive x

      January 22, 2017 at 9:05 pm
  • Reply Emma

    This is such a good post, I don’t believe children and their parents can be ‘friends’ until the child is an adult. Friends are peers without a superior authority, but as parent we need to be the authority in the relationship. Good luck with the upcoming teenage years!
    Emma recently posted…** Johnsons baby: New top-to-toe range review + giveaway **My Profile

    January 21, 2017 at 9:05 am
  • Reply Five Little Doves

    I have literally just wrote something like this the other day, my son is almost 13 and I feel as though I have got the balance right, but for how long! Will there be times when he will need me more as a friend, or times when I will need to knuckle down hard on him as a Mum. Great post!
    Five Little Doves recently posted…10 ways I am #Rocking MotherhoodMy Profile

    January 20, 2017 at 6:36 pm
  • Reply Sarah (theparentingtrials)

    Awww sounds like your doing a brillant job hun… it can be hard to find the middle between both, so a lot of the time u have to pick one or the other. My mum tried to be both and it was confusing growing up and caused us to argue alot, as was hard to know where I stood and where the line was sometimes. Sounds like your figuring it out thou, Gin on prescription sounds wonderful haha x

    January 20, 2017 at 3:14 pm
  • Reply ChelseaMamma

    I often say that I find that parenting babies and toddlers is so much easier than tweens and teens. I have successfully got one into her 20’s (it wasn’t pretty at times), another is almost there and the 16 year old is , well 16………..good luck with double figures
    ChelseaMamma recently posted…Are traditional wedding anniversary gifts a thing of the past?My Profile

    January 20, 2017 at 2:29 pm
  • Reply Kat

    Great post and very thought provoking that we are bringing up future friends, wives, husbands, mothers and fathers… what a responsibility we have! There’s no rule book and no answers but it sounds like you are doing a fab job! He’s a real credit to you xx

    January 20, 2017 at 12:32 pm
  • Reply abbey

    A really sweet post! My son is two (currently, until April at least, our only child). I do call him my best friend as at this age, and I his, because at this early stage, it really is true. I know he’ll grow and get his own friends soon, so I try and cherish this time and be the best buddy possible (except, today, he much prefers Daddy!!) hehe x

    January 20, 2017 at 9:52 am
  • Reply fashionandstylepolice

    Great post. Laughing out loud at the gin on prescription bit.
    fashionandstylepolice recently posted…All About Matched BettingMy Profile

    January 20, 2017 at 9:07 am
  • Reply Evelina

    What a genuine post! At this time I don’t think parents can be best friends it’s important for children to know who is in charge.
    Evelina recently posted…3 Tips How To Find A High Quality Faux Fur CoatMy Profile

    January 19, 2017 at 11:00 pm
  • Reply Cal at Family Makes

    My boys are a similar age to yours, 8 & 10, and I totally know where you’re coming from. It requires a whole new set of negotiating skills and levels of understanding! It’s a steep learning curve! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas on this.
    Cal at Family Makes recently posted…First News Review – Our First ImpressionsMy Profile

    January 19, 2017 at 10:00 pm
  • Reply MMT

    This really resonates with how I’m feeling at the moment – our (almost) 5 year old has really become a little girl, and how we interact with her has changed from the toddler days. It’s far less black and white as it used to be and I’m all to conscious of being too hard, or too soft. It’s not easy to get the balance right, is it?
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub – sounds like you are doing a pretty perfect job to me 🙂

    January 19, 2017 at 8:51 pm
  • Reply Lyndsey O'Halloran

    I hope my girl will understand that I’m both but not at the same time and Mum always comes first!
    Lyndsey O’Halloran recently posted…The Best Office FurnitureMy Profile

    January 19, 2017 at 8:00 pm
  • Reply kat

    I can only imagine how motherhood could be difficult sometimes. It looks like you’re great mum, who always tries to make kid happy but not spoilt. I’m sure not only his future wife will appreciate your work:)
    kat recently posted…Slow juicer vs regular juice maker. Andrew James Slow Juicer reviewMy Profile

    January 19, 2017 at 7:56 pm
  • Reply Kirsty Bowerbank-Steel

    Love this, it’s not easy being a parent sometimes ♥

    January 19, 2017 at 7:49 pm
  • Reply Jo

    Really interesting to hear how the relationship evolves as children get older. Get you life-time supply of gin on order now!
    Jo recently posted…The Ultimate Guide To MacrosMy Profile

    January 19, 2017 at 5:39 pm
  • Reply Aleena Brown

    My daughter (3) has started to refer to me as her best friend and we recently had a conversation about it and about how mummy and her friends are different. Great post xx #coolmumclub

    January 19, 2017 at 4:38 pm
  • Reply Rhian Westbury

    I remember when I approached that awkward age where I didn’t want to be ‘friends’ with my mum, sadly my period lasted quite a while but I’m so happy we’re super close now x
    Rhian Westbury recently posted…Travel Wishlist – Item’s To Invest InMy Profile

    January 19, 2017 at 11:49 am
  • Reply justsayingmum

    Oh this is such a wonderful honest post. You’re so right about the different parenting skills needed. I always thought I’d be the same parent to all three of mine but that isn’t realistic and what works for one most certainly does not work for the others – this can lead to some crazy rows and strops from teens when I hear “you wouldn’t have let me get away with that!” etc etc but it’s the reality of parent. Love the fact that you’re raising your son to be someones father, husband, boyfriend – just lovely – I always say I’m raisinng my son to be a gentleman #CoolMumClub

    January 19, 2017 at 11:26 am
  • Reply Carol

    As your mum Lisa I am very proud of what you do for and with the children. As for Gin, let’s wait and see xx

    January 19, 2017 at 10:04 am
  • Reply Claire

    You sound like an incredible mum, I might print this and save it for reference in 9 years time! #coolmumclub

    January 19, 2017 at 8:24 am
  • Reply Charlotte

    Firstly you are an amazing mum, secondly how the hell is he nearly 10?! Feeling very old right now x

    January 18, 2017 at 9:48 pm
    • Reply Lisa

      Aww thanks. You feel old, how do I nearly have a child that’s in double figures? I can’t pass myself off as 21 anymore xx

      January 18, 2017 at 10:09 pm

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