Welcome 2017 I can’t believe that I’m here already writing this post, 2016 went way too quickly. So here I am sat down preparing to go back to work. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this, to be honest I’ve had my head in the sand emotionally. Practically I’ve been make my back to work plans for months, making sure everything is ready and ignoring my feelings. This is not the first time I’ve had to go through the back to work ‘rollercoaster’ I’ve had 2 other maternity leaves and due to back operations another 3 periods where I was off on long term sick leave.
Back to work preparations
Firstly work are amazing, there are lots of people to help go through entitlements and processes. I had a call with HR and my line manager back in August to discuss when I would be coming back. I managed to add my holiday and make use of my KIT days onto the end of my statutory maternity leave. This has meant I haven’t had to go into the dreaded no pay period.
I have discussed my new working pattern. I put forward an option to my line manager working 8-1 five days a week and a few evening hours over the course of the week. Luckily they have agreed to this and found a way to make it work. This is great for me because I still get Darcey in the afternoons and also I can pick the boys up from school. It is good for work because I’m in everyday to keep things moving along. I’m hoping I’ll manage the school holidays better as well as I only need childcare for mornings.
Darcey stated nursery yesterday after a few settling in sessions. I know she will love it when she gets used to it but she’s a bit unsettled at the moment.
Over the course of the last month I’ve also been making sure my work phone and laptop are all reconnected and that I have the access I need. There’s nothing worse than starting back and not being able to do anything because I don’t have access.
I’m really lucky in my role that I can be based at home, this is also great for my back as well. The only problem I had is my old office is now Darcey’s bedroom. Over the last month we’ve been converting the garage into an office space for me. It’s nearly done, this weekend we just need to build my storage unit and desk. I have a great sit/stand desk and special chair to help with my back problems that work provided me.
How do I feel
Honestly a bit tearful and a bit scared. I have loved my little life this last year even though it’s had up’s and downs. These are the thoughts going through my head;
- How am I going to fit work in as well?
- What if I’m not good enough at my job?
- What if I can’t give the kids the attention they need and become a worse mum?
- What if I miss them all too much?
- What if I’m just overwhelmed by everything?
- What if I can’t cope?
- They whole mum guilt in general about every minute thing.
Can anyone relate to this? When I’m at home I love being with the kids and feel complete. When I go into work it challenges me in a different way and I enjoy pushing myself mentally. Can I have both these things and juggle both sides of life to work together? I don’t know and I’m about to find out starting on Monday.
This week I’ve had rubbish headaches verging on the point of not being able to see. My shoulders feel like they are attached to my ears and I know that this is because I’m anxious about my return to work. I am however lucky to have friends and family that will put up with me over the next month when I’m sure I will be very difficult. My husband will be buying a lot of chocolate for me!